Happy Ending
by The Whitest Shade Of Pale
Summary: Rikkis thoughts on Zane after he breaks her heart. T for dark-ish theme towards the end. Song; Happy Ending - MIKA


_Italics – Lyrics_

_**Bold Italics – Flashbacks**_

Regular – Present happenings

_This is the way you left me,  
I'm not pretending.  
No hope, no love, no glory,  
No Happy Ending._

"_**Z-Zane?" I had walked into the juicenet, and what was my first sight? Zane, My boyfriend, with his tongue rammed down the new girls throat. Brilliant. **_

"_**Rikki."**_

"_**Who is that?" Bella sneered down her nose at me. **_

"_**My Ex-girlfriend," EX? When did he break up with me? What did I ever do to him? I thought he loved me..He obviously saw the confusion on my face.**_

"_**Rikki, don't you get it? We're over. Go back to your little caravan." He turned away and went back to kissing Bella. My face was probably a vibrant shade of red by now. Everyone in the cafe was sniggering at me, laughing at me. Just what school used to be like...**_

_This is the way that we love,  
Like it's forever.  
Then live the rest of our life,  
But not together._

I'm officially a loner now. Again. I guess my life is one big circle. Loner. Friends. Loner once more. I suppose I'm meant to be alone. Emma moved to America. Cleo went off with Bella. Lewis has gone off with Will. Charlotte made it clear that she hates me, then moved away. Ash is just ignoring me. Then Zane. I thought he would be with me. Help me through it. But no. He just added to it all. My long list of the people that either; A) Hate me. B) Hate me then move away. C) Don't even want to know me. I thought I trusted him. Now the whole of the town will know were I live. Who I am deep down. This is so embarrassing. My wall I built to keep everyone away was falling. I let Zane in, and then he betrayed me.

_Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life  
Can't get no love without sacrifice_

I should have listened to them. They told me you were bad news. And what did I do? I told them that you could change, that you would change. But you didn't. You couldn't. I ignored them. Cut them off, they kept telling me that I should break up with you, before you broke up with me. But I told them we would be together forever. That's how I lost Cleo. Lewis followed after. Everyday I wake up the same way that I used to before I moved here. Dragging myself out of bed, so that at school there won't be any questions asked about where I was. No attention brought upon myself. I go to the living room, greeted by my dad, who would probably just get that sick smile he always does when he knows he's getting to me. Telling that it was obvious that you wouldn't stay with me. Proving how far from normal I actually am.

_If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well  
__A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell_

But then, I think 'Good on you.' I mean, you found the person you want, and you go for them. Leaving me in the dust, but whatever. You never cared for me, I knew that Zane. There's no point in denying it. I told you all my secrets. I think that's when it all went wrong. You knew my weaknesses. You wanted to be the only person that ever got through to Rikki Chadwicks emotions. But I don't care. I don't care that people know what I live in. It's part of me. But you tell them any of my other secrets I've told you, then you will pay. I can't believe I was actually that naive to think that you would actually understand. Someone like you could never understand.

_This is the hardest story that I've ever told_

I've always had trouble telling people my emotions, my deepest secrets. The ones I have never told you. The ones I can barely tell myself. Nobody would care. Why would they? Its embarrassing. I'm not supposed to let something like this get to me. I'm Rikki Chadwick. I don't things get to me. Especially stupid boys like You. Then why do I feel like crap? Why do I feel as if my heart has been ripped out and barbecued?

_No hope, or love, or glory  
Happy endings gone forever more  
I feel as if I'm wasted  
And I'm wastin' every day_

Everything is the same now. Everyday is just a repeat of yesterday. Wake up. Get dressed. Turn a blind eye to my drunken father passed out on the sofa. Get to school. Avoid eye-contact and attention. Most likely be followed on the journey home and beaten up. Arrive home. Do homework so I won't get attention drawn towards myself if I don't hand it in. Have dinner. Try to avoid a beating, or a night time visit from my dad. Hang around the house, I mean caravan, I have nothing else to do. Go to sleep. Wake up, the cycle repeats all over again. __

This is the way you left me,  
I'm not pretending.  
No hope, no love, no glory,  
No Happy Ending.

I can't believe the way you dumped me like that Zane. You said you cared for me. I can get over the fact that you like someone else. The fact that you said you loved me in the first place was a bit strange. Somebody in love? With me? But I won't be able to forget the way you let me go. That was cruel. I trusted you Zane, and you betrayed me. I'm not saying I deserved better. But it would have been nice of you to not have been so harsh. To cause me so much embarrassment and hurt. That is just unforgivable.

_  
This is the way that we love,  
Like it's forever.  
Then live the rest of our life,  
But not together._

I guess by now I should be over you by now, it's been 3 months. But I'm not. It's hard to get over a person that loved you. The only person that ever loved you. The only person that will ever love you. I should move on. But what change would that bring? At least by not forgetting you I can think that once, somebody did want me. Somebody did care for me. Somebody liked me. But then the pain in my heart comes, and I realised that you dumped me. You were bound to. You have all the girls lining up at your door. The only thing I have at my door is my drunken father wanting to use me. __

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind  
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around

I walked down to the beach earlier. The exact spot where you asked me out. I kept saying no. Then I realised that this would be my only chance at seeing what love was like. Before you realised who I really was. So I said yes. I looked over my shoulder, at the juicenet. Where you let me go. Funny that the place where my heart was taken, is about 20 metres from the place where you broke it.

_  
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep  
I can think that we just can't get on_

So I turn and go back home. Get into my bed, underneath the blankets I scrounged from the charity shop. Wishing we could afford central heating. But, dad is warm enough with his drink, so why would he care if I'm warm enough? I lie facing the wall, wishing it would swallow me up. Wishing I could be a fly on the wall, watch you and Bella. Pretending it were me instead of Bella. Seeing how different you act with her. Seeing if you did actually love me. __

This is the hardest story that I've ever told  
No hope, or love, or glory  
Happy endings gone forever more  
I feel as if I'm wasted  
And I'm wastin' every day

I wonder if I'll get a happy ending. Most likely not. I can't believe I ever thought that what we had was real. I look at the short distance to my bedroom door. My dad came through there earlier. He came out again 15 later. I used to feel something from it. But I don't any more, I'm just numb. Numb all over. I thought that you could save me from him one day. I had imagined it many times. You would come round, to ask me to dinner, or to the cinema or something. But you would hear my dad, thumping around. You would barge into my bedroom, catching my father. Pushing him off me, and then you would kiss me. You would then call the police. They would turn up, they would take my dad away, and lock him in prison for the rest of his life. You would take me back to yours, and ask me to move in with you and your dad. I've been to your house before Zane, many times. You didn't know it, but I used to always pretend it was my house too. Forget what I would have to go home to in a couple of hours. I would pretend that your dad was sort of my dad too. You would let me cry into your shoulder for as long as I needed to, and you would whisper nonsense in my ear. You would tell me that it would all be ok now. We would lie on your bed, planning out our future together. Our house. Our children. Everything.

How stupid could I get?__

This is the way you left me,  
_I'm not pretending.  
No hope, no love, no glory,  
No Happy Ending.  
This is the way that we love,  
Like it's forever.  
Then live the rest of our life,  
But not together._

I look over at my second hand schoolbag, left against the bottom of my bed. I open it up, and take out my pencil case. I undo the zip, and take out the compass I found in maths, that way I can have no more attention brought to me when I need to borrow one. I pick it up, and hold it like a pencil. I write your name on my arm, and lie there watching it. It slowly fades away. Just like us. Just like our relationship. Leaving tiny little marks on my skin. But thats different to the giant scars on my heart.

_  
A Little bit of love, little bit of love  
Little bit of love, little bit of love[repeat]_

It's all I want. A little bit of love. Somebody to love me. I thought you did. But I was wrong. Again. But what about me is there to love? I know now that I'm one of those people that are never meant to be happy. I'm supposed to be alone. It's the way it is.  
_  
I feel as if I'm wasted  
And I waste everyday_

I wasted you time. We both know about all the other, beautiful girls you could have had. But instead, you were with me. Why is that? What was so wrong in your head that you ever wanted me in the first place? What did you ever see in me? Think about it, you could have had so much more. Pretty girls, thin girls, girls with no problems, girls with both their parents, girls with big houses. Girls with money. Why did you put up with my crap gifts? Why did you keep spending so much money on me? Why Zane, why? I didn't deserve it. You say its the thought that counts. But come one Zane, a freaking designer necklace. I give you some cheap after-shave. You said you didn't mind. I know deep down you did. You're glad you're with her now, what you think back to me you must think you were crazy. Me? Me? She probably matches the gifts you give her. You probably have matching tailor-made designer necklaces. I don't care though.

_  
This is the way you left me,  
I'm not pretending.  
No hope, no love, no glory,  
No Happy Ending.  
This is the way that we love,  
Like it's forever.  
To live the rest of our life,  
But not together. _

This isn't worth it any more. Why go on? What is there to live for any more? I see my compass sat on my bed, I have been using this a lot lately. It takes everything away. I draw a broken heart with it on my wrist.

I watch the blood come up.

I watch everything fading away.

I can see my mum.

She loved me.


End file.
